I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drake has all the answers
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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