i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize