Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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