I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im holly from the hills drunk
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
