so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
