I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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