There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
