You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
