i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
