Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
