here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
