Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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