Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
