i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
