Don't make out with my wife yet
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
