my mouth tastes like poor choices
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
