I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
