Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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