I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
