Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
