He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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