ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
