make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
