the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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