What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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