If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize