you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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