R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My vagina just clenched in fear
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
