Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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