my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
