The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
