i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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