and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
