I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
