I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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