if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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