they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
