You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
worst night to have a conscience
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
It's rum buckets o'clock
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
