Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i came on her dog
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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