I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
