piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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