You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
