EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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