So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
