I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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