I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
