i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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