Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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