Your dad touched me again.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
