I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
