How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
