he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
is wine microwaveable?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
