Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
