My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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