smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
