so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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