Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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