Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
