Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
A bitchslap is in order.
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