New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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