your parents love me but you hate me
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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