I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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