My nipple is on Facebook.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
