I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
