honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
