You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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