the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
