and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
