Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
