I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize