You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
