so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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