She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
