he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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