It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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