It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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