Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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