I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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