I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize