Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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