I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
