My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
