FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
